The Five Love Languages
Why is it easier to give and receive love in some relationships than others? Have you noticed one of your children lights up over different things you do, than another?
According to research by Gary Chapman, every human has a primary “love language” that, when understood, helps us feel safe and securely attached.
Knowing your child's primary love language, means you can communicate and connect in a way that lands for them, giving love, praise and attention in a way they are most likely to receive it.
How your child receives love could be different to how they express and your child's love language can change over time.
Here are the five love languages and practical ways you can best support your child based on their primary language.
1. Words of Affirmation - Children who value written and spoken expressions of love, encouragement and affection.
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Say "I love you" often
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Express your appreciation for how they are, naturally. "Thank you for feeling." "Thank you for being so joyful." "Thank you for sharing your incredible smile with the world." "Thank you for being you."
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Offer verbal support when they face challenges
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Leave hand written notes, poems and letters on their pillow, in their lunch box and around the house
2. Quality Time - These children love undivided attention and feel truly valued when we are fully present with them often.
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Create dedicated containers to spend time together, without distractions. While you communicate, read their body language and listen actively to their tone, words and do your best to pick up on how they're feeling.
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Make morning and evening routines a priority; like meditation, affirmations, yoga and bedtime stories
3. Gifts - Children who prefer tangible expressions of love and thoughtfulness.
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Create handmade gifts and cards, and give in a way that reflects their interests and show how well you know them
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Bring them a flower from the garden
4. Acts of Service - Children who feel considered when others do things for them
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Help them get ready for school, make their favourite meal for breakfast or dinner and leave delicious snacks in their lunch box
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Ask if you can help them with things like homework or chores
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Brush their hair
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Offer practical solutions when they face challenges
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Fix a broken toy or organise their room
5. Physical Touch - Children who receive love through physical expressions of affection
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Give plenty of hugs, back tickles, massages and other gentle physical connection points throughout the day
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Place your hand on their back and hold them close when they're crying, scared or upset
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Hold their hand while you walk
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At bedtime, tuck them in, stroke their hair till they fall asleep and give lots of goodnight kisses
We can and will express love in all five ways, but connecting through our child's primary love language will most effectively meet their emotional needs.